Lookout! Flying flapjacks

Picture this: you are sitting down to a breakfast in the morning at your school in England. Your breakfast consists of some fruit, possibly a glass of orange juice, and some flapjacks. These flapjacks aren’t just any flapjacks, they are triangle flapjacks.
You’re all excited because you love triangle flapjacks. Well, unfortunately for you, one of your classmates ruined it for everyone and now your flapjacks will be cut into boring rectangles or squares.
According to reports, “canteen staff at Castle View School in Canvey Island, Essex” have been banned from serving “triangle shaped flapjacks after one was thrown at a pupil.”
I have only one question, who throws flapjacks hard enough to get them banned? Apparently, according to The Independent, a UK newspaper, “This is not the first time flapjacks have been banned for being a risk.”
I have read enough Onion articles in my lifetime to have this particular article raise a few flags in my brain. However, this article is completely serious.
Are the news people in the UK really that starving for hard-hitting news articles that they choose to write on kids throwing pancakes at each other?
I guess I’m here as the pot calling the kettle black since I’m writing an article about an article that talks about kids throwing pancakes at each other, but I really am hurting for hard-hitting news stories.
I can understand kids getting into trouble for starting a food fight, but getting pancakes banned is just ridiculous.
Another aspect of this story that I found unnecessarily ridiculous is the fact that these kids are being served triangle shaped pancakes in the first place. Who takes the extra time to cut a presumably round pancake into a triangle? Is there some special pan that they use over in England to make square pancakes by default that I’m just not aware of? If so, I’m a fan of square pancakes. I want this pan.
Ok, I kid. I’m just really confused with some of the specifics of this article and why they chose to write it.
At the very end of the article, a spokesman for the Health and Safety Executive was quoted saying “The real issue isn’t what shape the flapjacks are, but the fact that pupils are throwing them at each other - and that’s a matter of discipline, and has got nothing to do with health and safety as we know it. We’re happy to make clear that flapjacks of all shapes and sizes continue to have our full backing.”
If all shaped and sized flapjacks are safe, then isn’t this is a non-issue to report. Silly Brits.