Get your Guido on with Kathleen

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Get your Guido on with Kathleen

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Kathleen is Snooki

All I can say about “The Jersey Shore” is “Why?”

I wish that could be the entire article because I feel it encompasses my entire article perfectly.

I just do not understand the mass appeal of this show. I have been fortunate enough to have only been tricked into seeing about 15 minutes of it. The rest I learn about from “The Soup” and the blog The Daily What.

Reality television is not good television. Sure, I’ll admit that I dabble in it — namely cooking shows and “The Biggest Loser” — but I watch better television than that.

From what I have gathered from my very minimal research is that some people actually enjoy “The Jersey Shore”. They like these people and what they do. Some even aspire to be like them.

And again: Why?

The cast of the show is the largest group of idiots ever gathered to be on television, and I’m including all those trashy Real Housewives shows in that statement. All they do is drink, fist-pump and say ridiculous strings of words that are supposed to be sentences.

I understand most people watch the show to look at the lowest form of human intelligence there is so that they can laugh at it, but in the end, this cast is the one getting paid millions of dollars to act this way. So I’m torn about that.

The main character and tiniest cast member is “Snooki.” Yeah. I know. She can fit into a fridge and she sometimes gets punched in the face. She’s usually really classy because she wears trashy clothes and gets drunk in the middle of the day.

Also, the show is on MTV. That should tell you not to watch it. MTV barely counts as a real channel anymore — in fact, they are dead to me since they ruined “Skins”.

The cast tosses around the term “Guido” pretty freely but it’s actually an offensive slang term. So there’s that too.

Granted, I will watch bad television if the cast is reasonably charming and good-looking. These people have no manners or decorum. And they are just not attractive, I am sorry. Being orange, over-gelled with blown-out hair and having huge “designer muscles” struggling to escape your tacky Armani T-shirt just is not attractive. Nor is naming your abs “The Situation.” No one is impressed, guy. And the girls look trashy with their bad tans, stringy hair and layers of horrible makeup. Least attractive of all, though, is that these people have no personalities.

And for their fourth season, the cast is going to Italy? That is not acceptable. And isn’t it called “The Jersey Shore?” Why do they keep going places? Can’t they limit themselves in one location? Just for the sake of the rest of the country’s STD statistics at least.

MTV is yet again promoting a life of casual alcoholism, constant partying and nonchalant sex. Why can’t we have TV shows about smart people or people who can actually do something? I’m just saying that smart people have more fun.

This show is everything that is wrong in the world. It’s a bold statement, but I’m pretty confident in it.

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