Kathleen hates the Kardashians
Kathdashians
Why would anyone want to keep up with the Kardashians? Seriously.
I’ve been very fortunate in that I’ve only seen clips from the horrendous E! production (can it even be called that?) on “The Soup” because I don’t like to waste my time with bad TV. If you watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I’m just going to assume your remote is lost because there is no other valid excuse.
Why are they famous again? Because Kim had a sex tape and continues to have, apparently, a very large derriere? Those aren’t really good things to be famous for. I think. I don’t know, I’m not famous, but I’m just pretty sure that if you want to be famous you’re going to want to be famous for talent, not your fat deposits and bedroom activities.
Kim must have realized this because she tried to showcase a possible talent and recently released a song titled “Jam.” I say “song” in the same way I say that her TV series is a “show.” Ironic quotation marks are needed, my nerds.
“Jam” sounds like a rejected Ke$ha song. Even with the liberal use of Auto-tune (sigh), Kim sounds monotone and bored. Bored in one computerized key. But you know she’s convinced this song is the new car-trip anthem or something equally ridiculous.
And just so you know that I’m not lying to you, here’s a sample of the lyrics: “Imma burn it out tonight, it’s going down/By live via satellite/And all I see is angels in my eyes/Buzz got me way up in the sky.”
What?! I know not all pop songs are deep examinations of society and the human condition, but come on. And I seriously doubt that the “angels in my eyes” is a Doctor Who reference. I’m just pretty sure about this one, guys.
Possibly more pathetic is the fact that Kardashians will literally put their name on anything. ANYTHING. Acne cream, diet pills, your firstborn child, etc. Sometimes they take it off after a poor marketing campaign, but you know they probably didn’t even remember what product they were talking about that day.
Kim was upset about her W magazine photo shoot, shocked that they let her nude photo appear in the magazine. Well, when you pose nude, Kim, is it really a surprise there will be nude photos? And you posed for Playboy. Oh, and again, you’re famous for filming yourself having sex with Ray J. You don’t really have the moral high ground here.
Kourtney and Khloé are the other sisters — yeah, everyone else forgets they exist too. They are currently “taking Miami.” Stay in your own city; I’m sure Miami doesn’t want you. I haven’t confirmed that, but I’m just taking a very educated guess.
These women are not good role models. One — I don’t know which, they blur together and I’m afraid to Google the Kardashian name too much — was in a seemingly abusive relationship with the pothead father of her child (I say seemingly because I don’t know how much the producers edited film to make it look a certain way. E! needs viewers, you know. And reality TV is fake).
Outside of that, they are just extremely inappropriate on the Internet. I understand that their only selling point is their “sex appeal” (because that’s all attractive, curvy women can offer the world) and they probably act a certain way to market themselves. But when you’re aware hundreds of little girls are following you on Twitter and idolize you, maybe you shouldn’t Tweet more mature content. I know that can be considered censorship and unfair to the Tweeter, but I just think it’s a responsibility of someone who wants to be in the public eye (and God, do these girls want to be in the public eye).
Their interview on Conan was probably the most uncomfortable thing I have ever seen. They just said outlandish, crude things and whispered to each other (rude, by the way. Don’t come on air to talk to each other, do that at home). Conan was at a loss for words and just let them carry on. Also, why do they have to do interviews together? They aren’t Cerberus. They can separate. …Can’t they?
I just think credit should be given to people who have a little more to offer to the world than large bottoms and scandals worked into a mindless TV program. Stop keeping up with these women, nerds. Please.
I’m not really surprised that some of the facts in this article are incorrect, seeing as you openly admit to not having watched a full episode of the show.
1. Kim is famous for a sex tape. No denying that. But you should also note that the Kardashian clan was very active in Hollywood way before that. Kris and Robert K. were good friends of OJ and Nicole Simpson and Robert was the attorney for OJ during his trial. Not the best thing in the world, obviously, but the point is that they had an in to this industry way before the sex and the ass. It is also worth mentioning that Bruce Jenner, another very famous public figure, is their step father.
2. “Jam” was not Kim’s attempt to start a music career, which you would know if you watched the show or even read any promotional article about the song. It was for charity. It is not going to be on a Kim Kardashian album.
3. You represent the W Magazine shoot incorrectly as well. Kim made mistakes that she has repeatedly apologized for on multiple media platforms. She regrets the tape, she regrets Playboy, and when she did W she was promised that her body was going to be covered in some way with digital art. They mislead her and she had to own up to the mistake she made posing nude and trusting their word. And if you look at the actual photos, they are extremely real and classy and represent a body type that is not always accepted by the media.
4. You mention Kourtney’s “abusive” relationship with Scott. Again, I can’t believe you would write an article that lacks so many facts, including some of these people’s NAMES. I also don’t know what makes you say he is a pothead…Scott’s problems have less to do with drugs and more to do with alcohol, which doesn’t support his case very much, but it shows how little you have researched your topic. While Kourtney and Scott have had their issues and they are in no way poster-children for a successful relationship, they are doing everything they can to stay together for their baby, which is not such a terrible message.
5. I doubt you follow any of them on Twitter, so how can you possibly say that they tweet inappropriate things? Most of their tweets are promotional. I have never seen a tweet from any of them that has offended me in any way or made me worried for their younger fans. I don’t think the things they say or do are any worse than the things that occur on other reality shows. Jersey Shore, Flavor of Love, Holly’s World….all of them are the same if not worse. And I also resent you saying you don’t like to waste your time watching bad TV when you may be the biggest HSM fan I know. I could write a whole article on how awful and time consuming HSM is.
I ALSO resent you making it feel like you can’t be a nerd and watch this show. Or that if you are a nerd you shouldn’t watch this show. I AM a nerd who watches this show and I enjoy it because of the bond that these three sisters share and how unbelievably nerdy they actually are. As someone who is one of three sisters, I wish you could see the merit in their relationship.
1. The article addressed Kim and her sisters, not her parents and stepfather.
2. Isn’t any song an attempt to start a music career?
3. Christina Hendricks manages to represent a body type that “is not always accepted by the media” without being mislead by magazines. That said, I believe that the cover of W had the digital art covering her but the inside did not. I’m not sure since I did not want to Google it on school computers.
4. I wasn’t going to watch a whole series just to get a person’s name. I got the pothead thing from a clip that showed Kourtney walking in and saying, “It REEKS of pot.” Then Scott punched a mirror. As for staying together for the child, that REEKS of a domestic violence excuse and victim acceptance. But that for another time and another day.
5. Do you have to follow someone to see their Twitter page? (No). But they mentioned their inappropriate Tweets on Conan. As for Jersey Shore, I have addressed my issues with it before in my column. HSM is not a TV series, but also there is the fact that I’m aware of the problematic themes in it and could also write an article on it. I have addressed some of those things when explaining my problems with Glee in a previous column. But I haven’t written a column about HSM because “Nerds” looks at popular culture, and HSM is a little stale right now.
The name of the column is “Listen Up, Nerds!” so when I say “nerds,” I’m referring to my readers. It’s a term of endearment that I have used since I started the column (which is award-winning, let’s just say that). I’m in no way saying that you have to be a “nerd” to like or not like something. It’s just a reference to the column’s title. And just because there are three Kardashians, that doesn’t mean that I have to relate to them. I don’t understand that logic.
All that said, thanks for reading the column and thanks for commenting!
1. When you make claims as to why certain people are famous, you can’t just ignore the fact that they have famous parents. I get that you are talking about Kim, Kourtney and Khloe specifically, but it is relevant.
-Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami isn’t even on TV anymore, by the way. Kim and Kourt are currently taking NYC.
2. No, any song is not an attempt to start a music career. I have sung with people before and I have no intention of being a singer or releasing more music. Kim did not initiate the production of this song. She was asked by a producer and agreed to do one song. How is that ambitious in any way?
3. Regardless of whether or not Kim intended to pose nude in W mag, it was not porn. It was not degrading to her image at all. If you saw the pictures I think you would realize that.
4. I think there are some facts, like a person’s name, that you can find with a simple Google search and not just by watching a whole season of Kardashians. I don’t want to defend Scott, because he has made some huge mistakes, but it was a very personal decision and they decided they wanted to try to stay together and raise their child and they are doing a lot (and I mean a lot) of work to make it through. Again, if you watched any of the recent episodes, you would see the changes Scott has made. I know it could be presented that way on TV, but there are some specific things that can’t be faked.
My main problem with this article is that there are so many ways to successfully criticize the Kardashians, and you use none of them. I don’t find them to be smart or respectable people and you could have highlighted that with solid fact, but you didn’t. It’s almost like you Googled “Kardashian scandals” and went off of the headlines, because you misrepresent every plot line that has happened on their television shows.
I don’t think I said that the W shoot was porn, actually. She could have just donated money to charity instead of recording a song– and she’s currently raising money for Japan by selling off a “Meet and greet” with herself. There are just better ways do things, it seems. And I can’t tell which is which, so a Google search probably wouldn’t have done anything.
At any rate, this column is an analysis of why I think pop culture is ridiculous. It’s my opinion. You obviously have yours and I have mine. But I think I successfully analyzed the issues I have the with show and sisters since, you know, they are my issues. But no, I did not Google “Kardashian scandals” because I don’t spend time doing that. I went off issues raised on The Soup and ridiculous happenstances I’ve noticed in magazines.
Can reality TV have plots? Hmmm.
But seriously, I appreciate you coming to look at the site and reading the column. We’re always glad to have more viewers and commenters.
We have more important matters in the world to watch and knowledgeable than watching this Kardashians ‘reality’show…showing off nothing but fake!! (no moral values and showing off all the time their material life.. think about the poor and needy struggling to work and put our children to good education etc…you know the economic turmoil in America itself is sad….as I am one of them and feel so for people who starve and has barely no jobs no hardly not enough money for food or ‘home’ to stay.
Please keep news and media substantially worth watching!
Thank you God for your blessings..