Mercer Cluster

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Cricket: The dog behind the man

Mercer+University.%E2%80%9D+Photo+by+Walkin+the+Bear%0ACricket%E2%80%99s+favorite+activity+is+playing+in+the+sprinklers%2C+which+explains+why+they+are+always+left+on+everywhere.
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Cricket: The dog behind the man

Mercer University.” Photo by Walkin the Bear
Cricket’s favorite activity is playing in the sprinklers, which explains why they are always left on everywhere.

Mercer University.” Photo by Walkin the Bear Cricket’s favorite activity is playing in the sprinklers, which explains why they are always left on everywhere.

Walkin the Bear

Mercer University.” Photo by Walkin the Bear Cricket’s favorite activity is playing in the sprinklers, which explains why they are always left on everywhere.

Walkin the Bear

Walkin the Bear

Mercer University.” Photo by Walkin the Bear Cricket’s favorite activity is playing in the sprinklers, which explains why they are always left on everywhere.

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After graduating as class valedictorian from Michigan Institute of Technology, Cricket wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She had received job offers from Google, the CIA and multiple Silicon Valley startups, but none of them satisfied her need to help people.

A student she had tutored put her in contact with a friend from Harvard, who was looking for a way to better connect people across long distances. However, the partnership was tenuous and mostly one-sided.

“Mark Zuckerberg is a self-pitying, self-aggrandizing, delusional, capitalist pig,” Cricket’s translator said. “So embarrassed to be indebted to a dog, he invented Andrew Garfield.”

After Zuckerberg cheated Cricket out of her ownership of Facebook, she tried out several different career paths, but none of them seemed to fit. Cricket was elected the first female governor of Indiana, won a Nobel Peace Prize for Hungarian relief efforts and won an Oscar for the documentary about her bestselling novel, “Life is Unsatisfying.”      

“It seemed no matter what I did, none of it ever felt like enough. Then I was at a NASA meeting in New Mexico, trying to cover up the – No, scratch that. The reason for the meeting’s not important. Take out the NASA part. That’s kind of top secret, they – you didn’t delete it. Don’t quote me saying this, stop it. Seriously, that cannot go to print if you – give me the laptop – you need to – is that,” Cricket’s translator said, before trying to wipe my hard drive.  

After the NASA meeting, Cricket had some time before going back on tour. She decided to visit Little Richard’s birthplace. At Amerson Park, she ran into Bill Underwood.

“He threw a frisbee and in that moment, I forgot all my doctorates, all my Nobel Peace Prizes, all my Prague summer homes, and I was just a dog again,” Cricket’s translator said. “Catching that frisbee changed my life. It reminded me that it’s not about the fame or the money or the prestige; it’s the people in your life that make life the wonder that it is.”

Cricket cancelled her tours and settled down with Underwood in Macon.

“Do I miss it?” Cricket’s translator said. “Not at all. I love being the puppet master of Mercer University.”

 

Note: This is a satirical piece produced by the Cluster team in honor of April Fools Day. Thanks for reading!

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Cricket: The dog behind the man