First annual Surfin’ Bear Invitational to take place at Ocmulgee River
As the weather changes from a warm winter to a hot spring, the Ocmulgee river will be the site of Macon’s first annual Surfin’ Bear Invitational.
The three-day surf competition will see people from around the globe descend upon Macon’s river shores to be named the inaugural champion.
Johnny Kapahala, the world-class surfer from the ’90s Disney Channel original movie, Johnny Tsunami, is the favorite to win the event, but the waters will be unlike any he has ever faced.
“You know I’ve already won a couple snowboard competitions in the past so I’m used to trying new things,” Kapahala said. “But honestly I’m not sure that I’ll be able to compete as well this week. I mean, I am used to sharks and high tide, not snakes and river current.”
The event is broken up into three segments. One will be the race down the river, where surfers will try to be first to the end of the river.
The second segment is the big air competition. The goal is to get the highest vertical on the surfboard before the waves crash down. The forecast shows that waves could get up to three inches this week, one of the highest of the year.
The last segment is the trick competition. The event is most highly anticipated of the three as they will surely “go big or go home,” as Kapahala himself says.
One of the dark horse competitors is Heath Slater, cousin of surfing legend Kelly Slater. Slater has been a professional wrestler with the WWE for the last six years but recently left in an attempt to one-up his surfing cousin. The south Alabama native will be competing in his first event ever.
“I tell you what man, I’ve been body slamming people for the last few years now I plan to body slam that cousin of mine on a surfboard,” Slater said. “I’m excited to compete in this event and take a title back to Alabama.”
The city is expecting this event to go smoothly and are hopeful that no referee malfunctions will have event coordinators trying to move it to the streets of Atlanta for next year.
Mayor Robert Reichert said that Macon is a sports town and to be able to kick off such a large event is big for the city.
“We are grateful that they chose Macon to be the home of the next event. I think that the river offers a different challenge,” Reichert said. “Hopefully, no fraternity members will end up stranded on the sandbars on their way down.”
Note: This is a satirical piece produced by the Cluster team in honor of April Fools Day. Thanks for reading!