Thanks to MERPO’s efficient complaint response system, student happiness has gone through the roof. Officers may now be coming to more house parties.

Image: Photo courtesy of Selfie Sticks

Thanks to MERPO’s efficient complaint response system, student happiness has gone through the roof. Officers may now be coming to more house parties.

Mercer police joins student house party

Students hosting a house party on the 1600 block of Lawton Avenue were surprised when the night didn’t end as a Mercer Police cruiser pulled up and flashed its blue lights.

Instead, the gathering became even more raucous.

The officers were responding to a noise complaint called in by a local resident. Instead of intimidating the students with their presence and giggling as they scurried out of front and back doors like roaches when the lights come, the boys in blue barged in.

Once inside, one of the officers yelled “turn that music up,” according to students who were present.

“I’m gonna level with you here,” Sergeant Angel Batista, who was not at the party, said. “Our authority to stop these off-campus parties has always been sort of tenuous. We’ve mostly relied on precedent established by pop culture and implied force to get people to leave. We’re surprised it’s worked so well.”

Students at the party said the officer showed up sometime after 11:30 p.m. and didn’t leave the home until 3 a.m. when all the food and beverages were finished.

“At first, we really wanted them to leave,” said David Jones. “A few of us booed, but we couldn’t really do anything about it. I mean, it was alright when they started dancing. We got a few laughs about that. But they ate and drank everything. You figure that they would have something more important to do.”

The three officers who attended the party will remain on the force after speaking with Batista individually on Monday.

“It was my first college party, and I’ve never had so much fun. I petted like three dogs,” said Officer Bill Slater. “I learned all the words to Bad and Boujee. Skrt Skrt.”

The officers walked back to campus, leaving the cruiser outside the house. The officers were not able to drive back, but planned to get it in the morning. The vehicle was not recovered from the location, Batista said.

A burned out Ford Fusion was found near Central City Park early Saturday morning, but the VIN number on the vehicle had been scratched out.

“It’s true. We lost a car, but it was worth it,” said Officer Seth Michaels. “We used to be just like these kids — sort of. We just want to show them we can be fun too.”

 

Note: This is a satirical piece produced by the Cluster team in honor of April Fool’s day. Thanks for reading.

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