So, Valentine’s Day is coming up soon. Yes, I’m sure there will be plenty of cute couples doing cute couple-y things for each other like giving flowers, buying expensive jewelry and just overall being sappy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of people doing cute, cheesy things for each other but somewhere, stalking amongst all those cheesy couples will be the annoying shadow of horrid Valentine’s Day candy.
Cue dramatic music.
There are many kinds of Valentine’s Day candy that I cannot stand.
A cheap box of chocolates is one. You know, the ones that look like wonderful delectable chocolates when you open the box, but then realize as you munch on the first piece that its innards are filled with revolting poison?
Okay, I’m being melodramatic but you get the point. You never know which revolting flavor is lurking just inside that happy chocolate coating.
It especially bothers me that these cheap boxes of chocolate often do not have a map to help you find that one chocolate you DO want out of the entire box.
Did whoever invent boxes of chocolates not think about people who could be allergic to coconut? They need a warning!
Another kind of Valentine’s Day candy that makes me want to hurl are conversation hearts.
Really, could whoever invented those things come up with a more disgusting flavor?
Yeah they look cute, but that’s all they’re good for. And let me just mention, because of their disgusting flavor, it’s always awkward to accept a box of it from someone on Valentine’s Day (hint hint, don’t be that person giving conversation hearts).
We all know that at the end of the day, only one maybe two conversation hearts will be eaten just to be polite. The rest will either sit there for weeks (and not go bad because it’s made with some magic that preserves it forever) or it will be thrown away that very night.
Another bothersome Valentine’s Day candy are those small, generic colorful hard candies.
You know, the ones that you’re not quite sure how long they’ve been sitting in someone’s candy bowl?
They look like they could have been around since Halloween.
Just a bit of advice, don’t eat those. If you’re going to eat them, take the conversation hearts instead. At least those (hopefully) won’t give you food poisoning.
Jelly beans. Ugh, don’t even get me started on jelly beans. I could rant for days about gross jelly beans.
For one, they’re extremely cheap. Accepting a bag of jelly beans won’t ever be a very memorable thing on Valentine’s Day.
Secondly, most of them taste nasty. I don’t know about you, but I only eat the red jelly beans and end up throwing away the rest.
So, for this Valentine’s Day, do something memorable and unique for your date (or if you’re single, treat yourself).
Instead of buying generic Kroger or CVS Russel Stover candy, go find an international foods store and buy some unique European candy.
It shows not only that you went out of your way to find decent, interesting candy, but also it’ll taste better (and shows you have some taste and class).